Welcome to The Joy Spot...I’m Dr. Joy Davidson. I’m a Health and Science Advisory Board member, a psychologist, and a certified sex therapist based in New York City. My website is JoyDavidson.com.
Condoms should be a fact of life these days if you’re sexually active, whether you’re male or female, straight, gay, or bi. But among men who have sex with women there are many who say they don’t like to use condoms. They report that they don’t feel as much sensation, or the condom is too tight, or they lose their erection when they wear one. If you’re one of these men, I want to share some information with you about how men who DO enjoy sex while wearing condoms have learned to incorporate them. After all, there’s a learning curve to all skilled erotic arts – and being suave with a condom takes practice and time. I hope these tips will encourage you to use condoms during every sexual encounter to keep yourself and your partners safe.
Tip #1 – Become a Condom Connoisseur
Did you find the best fitting jeans the first time you ever tried on a pair? Well, you won’t find a great condom fit the first time out either.
Here’s what you do: go to a shop or website that specializes in selling diverse brands of condoms – places like Condomania or Toys in Babeland, or maybe others you already know. The most well known drugstore brands might not be the right fit. So you need to get yourself a selection of at least a dozen. Try ultra thin condoms, ribbed condoms, latex and polyurethane condoms, and large or extra large sizes if you need those.
Tip #2 – Practice On Your Own
Take your vast supply of condoms home and...yes...you need to masturbate wearing the condoms. Masturbate every day with a different condom. Tough assignment, eh? But that’s really the only way you’ll find out which one has the best fit and feel for you. One thing to remember – arousal and excitement increases sensation, so you’ll feel more through the condom when you are very turned on. So if you have a “let me get this over with” kind of mindset, you’ll sabotage the experiment. Instead, get into it...enjoy yourself. Also, start slow...tease yourself a little. Give the condom time to warm up to body temperature and you’ll feel more, too. The more time you take, the better the experience will be.
Tip #3 – Add Lube to Add Sensation
While you’re out shopping for all those condoms, pick up a couple of brands of water based and silicone lubricants. Most shops carry trial sizes so you don’t have to invest a fortune. Before you put the condom on, put a generous dab of lube on yourself AND inside the condom. Then put some on your hand if you’re masturbating. When you’re with a partner, remember that latex can be drying, so add some lube to your partner’s juices, too.
Tip #4 – Retrain Yourself
If all your experience of strong sexual sensation is skin to skin contact, then of course a condom will seem like a dull sensation at first. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. Your nervous system adapts. With the right condom and the right lube, you can feel a lot of sensation. If you’re thinking, easy for her to say...she doesn’t have to wear a raincoat...you’re right. I don’t know what it feels like to wear a condom. But I’ve talked to plenty of men who do. And they tell me that it took practice to rewire themselves, but once they did, sex with a condom was great. Masturbating wearing a condom as part of your normal routine will make wearing one with a partner automatic, which is as it should be unless you’re both STI free and entirely exclusive.
Tip #5 – Plan the Setup
Make sure your condoms and lube are within easy reach. Stash a few in any room you might have sex. In the bedroom, of course, be sure they’re very handy from the bed. You can even tear one open and leave it close at hand before you get started – or put it on early, and wear it during foreplay. That way it warms up and it’s already there when you want it.
Tip #6 – Eroticize Putting On the Condom
If you stop to put the condom on, use that moment as part of your teasing and seduction. How do you do this? Think of it as a reverse striptease…you’re putting something on, not taking it off, but you can still treat it like a sexy display. When you reach for the condom and lube, slow way down...let your partner watch you and get a full eyeful. Then put the condom on while kneeling on the bed with your legs apart, leaning forward toward your partner to keep the blood flowing and help you stay hard. You can also do this standing at the side of the bed, hovering over your partner in a sexy way. Let her watch you put the lube in the condom. Take your time...stroke yourself a little...meet her eyes...tell her to touch herself. This is part of how you tease both of you. Remember, you want the condom to warm up to your body temperature, so keep playing for awhile. If you’ve been practicing on your own, you’re less likely to overthink what you’re doing – and you just have to think about what you’re going to be doing next.
Thanks for watching this episode of the Joy Spot. I invite you to have a look at some of the other Joy Spot videos. And for more information about sex, love, and health, please visit me at JoyDavidson.com and loveandhealth.info.
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