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Dear Deb, I have been married to my husband for six wonderful years. We've always been quite experimental in the bedroom. Recently however, he wants to role play every time we make love- it's almost like he never wants me to be myself anymore. When I say that I don't want to play with him all the time, he accuses me of being selfish. How can I make this work for me without making him totally unhappy? -- Margaret |
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Dear Margaret, It's great to hear that you and your husband have had a creative sex life. So many couples complain of falling into patterns and ruts, so you are to be commended for your ability to keep things interesting and new. With that in mind, however, it sounds like your husband has gotten more selfish in bed, not you. Have you expressed any of your concerns to him yet? If not, it's time for a talk. Don't try to have this conversation when you're in bed. Instead wait for a time when it's quiet and you won't be interrupted. Start by telling him how much you appreciate your active sex life and compliment him on the quality of the sex over the years. Only then, tell him that you feel like you've hit a rut. Talk to him about the fact that it seems like he is only turned on by kinky sex, and even though you enjoy it, you are missing some of the other pleasurable experiences you've shared in the past. You can suggest reintroducing old favorites or new ideas for spicing things up without role playing. Couples have to compromise on many things, including sex. Sometimes you'll get what you want, and sometimes your husband will get what he wants. It's important to find a balance that works for both of you. Good luck. Cheers, Debbie
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